Home | About Us | Contact Us

Submit Articles | Member Login | Top Authors | Most Popular Articles | Submission Guidelines | Links | Free Ebook

Business Career Internet Marketing Technology & Science Legal Marketing Travel Sports Writing Animals Automobiles Computers Computer Programming Entertainment Environment Family Food Health & Medical Home & Garden Humor View all Categories       Forgot Password?    New User? Please enter your Email Id: Welcome to FreeBizTopics.com! ALL » Humor >> View Article A dog's guide to... Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking By: Rubin I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you’re Amber and Terry, you’re going to do NOTHING about it. Ain’t nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I’m sayin’? If you’re NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you’re smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin’ shut up once in a while, here’s what you need to know… Why is your dog barking? I’ll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets me some attention. I’m all about the attention. Now, you coulda probably guessed about the attention thing, but the fact that we actually ENJOY it? Who knew? It’s true, though. Sometimes I just get a kick out of it. It’s like, I start barking because I’m excited, and then after a while I’m all, “hey! This totally rocks!” So I bark some more. And then some more after that. Then I finish up with a quick round of barking. Sometimes I come back for an encore. The truth is, by this time, like Justin Timberlake, I’m lovin’ it. So, how’re you gonna stop me? (Clue: you’re not. You’ll NEVER stop the Rubinman. But you know what I mean.) Well, if you want to stop a dog that’s barking just for the hell of it, you’re gonna hafta get clever. Cleverer than Amber and Terry. Whatever you do, DON’T shout at me. You want to know what I think when you shout at me while I’m barking? I think, “Coooool! They’re totally barking with me! This SO rocks!” Ha! Amateurs! No, what you need to do is, you need to distract me. You could play with me. You could feed me. (Actually, you should totally feed me. That’s the best thing to do. End of article.) But it’s better if you TRAIN me. Uh-huh. TRAIN ME. Now, I know what y’all are thinking. You’re all, “But the Rubinman is cleverer than me! I’d NEVER train him!” Well, you’re right. You totally wouldn’t. But if you have a NORMAL dog, you can train it. Mebbe. I am what’s called “clicker trained.” http://www.clickertraining.com/home/> Clicker training is when you, like, get this CLICKY thing and get your dog to believe that if the thing clicks, something good happens. Could be a goodboy. Could be a big cuddle. (Note: the Rubinman is NOT a sissy. But a cuddle can be nice). Could be playing with your toys. Whatever it is, it’s GOOD. The clicker is power, and once ya got power over the dog, you’re the boss of it.* If you’re REALLY clever, you can teach your mutt to bark on command, and then stop barking on command too, using the clicker. That’s probably too advanced for you lot, though, so… Understand why YOUR dog is barking So, yeah, now you know why the Rubinman barks. It’s important to know why YOUR dog barks, though. Here are some possible reasons: ·He is bored. ·He is scared. (I mean, I’m NEVER scared, but then I WAS raised by wolves…) ·He is lonely. ·He has seen the postman. ·Little Timmy is stuck down a well and your dog wants to lead you to that well, rescue little Timmy and get a reward. I’ll tell ya, that happens to me a LOT. Soooooo many reasons for barking there. First thing you need to do is, you need to find out which reason is the right one. I’ll be honest here: it’s probably the postman. A word about the postman Most so-called “exerts” will tell you that your dog barks when he sees the postman because the postman is intruding on your property and the dog can’t tell the difference between “friend” and “foe.” What a lot of crap experts talk, no? If I talked crap like that, man, I’d be ashamed to call myself the Rubinman, I really would. As any dog will tell you, we bark at the postman because we hate that sucker. In the wild, postmen are our natural enemies. Walking up our driveway day after day. Stuffing things through our door. Ringing the bell. I mean, honestly, do YOU think that’s acceptable behaviour? Stopping the barking You ain’t never gonna stop the “me against the postman” mentality. All you can do, really, is bribe your dog to stay quiet. Remember: we have no morals. (I mean, we sniff other dog’s butts IN THE STREET, do we look like we’d turn up our noses at a spot of bribery?) We won’t be offended if you bribe us. Now, I’m not saying you should always bribe us with chocolate goodboys. (I totally AM saying that, by the way). I’m just saying the best way to get us to behave is to reward us handsomely when we behave ourselves. Goodboys. Cuddles. Rubbing our furry bellies. Do this and we will stop barking. Mebbe. * Amber and Terry, obviously, are NOT the boss of me, though. No one’s the boss of me. About the Author Rubin is a wolf in Bichon Frise's clothing. Read his blog at http://www.rubinman.co.uk Total Views : 297    Word Count Appx. : 845 See All articles From Author

AP - An aide to Barack Obama's transition team says the president-elect is on track to nominate Hillary Rodham Clinton as secretary of state after Thanksgiving.

AP - The $25 billion rescue plan for the auto industry, desperately sought by Detroit's beleaguered Big Three, collapsed Thursday as Congress drew the line at one more bailout and Democrats said they wouldn't even consider it until the companies produced a convincing plan for rebuilding their once-mighty industry.

AP - Jarred by new jobless alarms, Congress raced to approve legislation Thursday to keep unemployment checks flowing through the December holidays and into the new year for a million or more laid-off Americans whose benefits are running out.

AP - What Robert Gates once called "inconceivable to me" — his remaining as defense secretary beyond Inauguration Day — is looking a bit more conceivable to the rest of Washington.

AP - A federal judge on Thursday ordered the release of five Algerians held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and the continued detention of a sixth in a major blow to the Bush administration's strategy to keep terror suspects locked up without charges.

AP - An agency director improperly used state computers to find personal information on "Joe the Plumber," a government watchdog said in a report released Thursday. There was no legitimate business purpose for the head of Ohio's Department of Job and Family Services to order staff to look up the records, Inspector General Tom Charles said.

AP - Researchers said Thursday they have identified the remains of Nicolaus Copernicus by comparing DNA from a skeleton and hair retrieved from one of the 16th-century astronomer's books. The findings could put an end to centuries of speculation about the exact resting spot of Copernicus, a priest and astronomer whose theories identified the Sun, not the Earth, as the center of the universe.

AP - Dr Pepper is making good on its promise of free soda now that the release of Guns N' Roses' "Chinese Democracy" is a reality. The soft-drink maker said in March that it would give a free soda to everyone in America if the album dropped in 2008. "Chinese Democracy," infamously delayed since recording began in 1994, goes on sale Sunday.

AP - Ben Roethlisberger threw a touchdown pass to Heath Miller and Jeff Reed made a 37-yard field goal, giving the Pittsburgh Steelers a 10-7 halftime lead over the Cincinnati Bengals on Thursday night.

Reuters - The global economy saw more signs of distress on Thursday with U.S. stocks plunging for a second consecutive day, oil prices falling, a surprise rate cut in Switzerland, export woes in Japan and rescue loans to Turkey and Iceland.

Reuters - Stocks plunged yet again on Thursday, as a frantic flight from risk prompted by investors' deepening economic fears drove the benchmark Standard & Poor's 500 index to its lowest level since 1997 -- completing the erasure of more than a decade of stock market gains.

Reuters - Citigroup Inc lost more than one-quarter of its market value on growing worries over whether it has enough capital to withstand billions of dollars of potential losses and despite new support from its largest individual investor.

Reuters - Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the two biggest U.S. home loan finance companies, on Thursday said they would suspend foreclosures of occupied homes until early 2009, as the government moves to stem the tide of home losses plaguing the economy.

Reuters - President-elect Barack Obama moved closer to assembling his Cabinet on Thursday with Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano emerging as the top contender to head the Homeland Security Department, created to protect Americans after the September 11 attacks.